Sunday, 15 May 2011

All of Lady Gaga's teachings, in a big list

Well, this is definitely an excellent idea.

Simon Hattenstone’s interview with Lady Gaga in the Guardian yesterday is brilliant not only because it quotes her describing her hair as "a surrealist extension of my being," but also because of the emphasis Hattenstone places on the "religious" aspect of the Gaga machine, which for me is by far the most interesting thing about her.

The previous day she had said it's difficult to talk about the show to people who haven't seen it. She was right, I say, it's like a revivalist meeting. "Yes, it is. It is a religious experience. But it's like a pop cultural church." She pauses. "I never intended for the Monster Ball to be a religious experience, it just became one."
She's become the Billy Graham of pop, I say. She laughs. "It's more self-worship, I think, not of me. I'm teaching people to worship themselves."

Whatever.  Earlier in the article, she says:

"It’s best not to ask questions and just enjoy."

I'm convinced, anyway.  Gaga-ism is a religion.  Why not.  The only question which remained unanswered in my mind after reading the article was this: what does this religion preach?  What is she actually telling us to do?  Surely, if it's a religion, people are trying to follow Lady Gaga's teachings, or something.

The thing is, these teachings have not been grouped together anywhere; they  remain haphazardly strewn among her songs.  What a shame.

But then i thought this: wouldn't it be great if all her teachings were collected, and put in the same place?  As a sort of reference point?  You know, like a big book of religion?

So i spent most of yesterday afternoon looking through all of Lady Gaga's songs and—have you got a better idea? No? OK then—compiling a list of every phrase in the imperative mood.

You're welcome, Gaga fans!  Call it a Bible if you must, just don't doubt its accuracy.  Or, obviously, err from its word.

I've also included some Gaga Fan Art, which i found on the internet, because everyone loves picture bibles.  I also changed font, because Trebuchet is quite similar to Helvetica, which sounds a bit like "Heretical".  Anyway, i hope you learn something.

Baby boy, get on. (Kaboom)

Baby, don't look at me like that: I don't belong to you. (No Way)

Baby, make it to me. (Again Again)

Baby, take me for a ride; maybe get a little high. (Wonderful)

Be like us: filthy glamorous. (Sexy Ugly)

Beat me, spank me, daddy; come on, touch my body! Say that good things come to those who wait; come and take it, mamma, before it’s too late! (Big Girl Now)

Beat on my drum, 'cause you know I come come. (Kaboom)

Believe me when I say that I will be OK, and listen! (Changing Skies)

Boy, get your ass out on the floor (Big Girl Now)

Break out your glasses. (SuperStar)

C-c-c-crazy, get your ass in my bed, baby: you'll be just my summer boyfriend. (Summerboy)

Charge it up, 'cause babe, you're one of a kind. (Reloaded)

Check this hand, because I'm marvellous. (Poker Face)

Conserve your juices, 'cause I'm gonna take you on a marathon. (Reloaded)

Copy me, celebrities! Consume us! (Kandy Life)

'Cuz yeah, this room is crowded but I am so alone in it. Help me please! (I Wish You Were Here)

Dance, Mr. Radio Nerd! (Filthy Pop)

Do whatever you like, Scheiße-scheiße, Scheiße be mine. Scheiße be mine. Put on a show tonight. (Scheiße)

Don't be scared, I've done this before: show me your teeth. (Teeth)

Don't ask me how or why. (The Fame)

Don't be a drag, just be a queen. (Born this Way)
Don't be afraid to shake that butt right. (Sexy Ugly)

Don't be dirty ice cream, baby!  (Dirty Ice Cream)

Don't be sad when the sun goes down: you'll wake up and I’m not around (Summerboy)

Don't be! (Born This Way)

Don't be, don't be (dirty ice cream). (Dirty Ice Cream)

Don't bother me, Alejandro! (Alejandro)

Don't call me Gaga! (Monster)

Don't call my name, Alejandro! (Alejandro)

Don't call my name, Benni Ponto! (Benni Ponto)

Don't call my name, Roberto! (Alejandro)

Don't forget my lipstick! (I left it in your ashtray.) (Boys Boys Boys)

Don't forget your money, little honey! (Retro Physical)

Don't hate me! Don't hate me! (Let Them Hoes Fight)

Don't hide yourself in regret: just love yourself, and you're set. (Born this Way)

Don't look at me like that! (Monster)

Don't make me lean on 'em, baby boy: what's up? (Kaboom)

Don't say a word: I'm sure that it won't be enough to erase what I know. (No Way)

Don't shoot! My heart is on mute. (Red and Blue)

Don't stop for anyone: we're plastic, but we still have fun! (Paparazzi)

Don't want love, just gimme your bling bling! Listen to me, boy, 'cause I need your thing thing. (Kaboom)

Don't you try to touch me; don't you try to catch me. (Americano)

Everybody wrap it up; everybody wrap it up. (Ribbons)

Fantasize I'm the track that you're tweakin'; blow my heart up; put your hands on my waist; pull the fader; run it back with original flavor; cue me up. (Starstruck)

Find your freedom in the music; find your Jesus; find your Kubrick. (Dance in the Dark)

Fold them; let them hit me; raise it, baby; stay with me. Love game, intuition; play the cards with spades to start. (Poker Face)

Follow me; don't be scared! Dance, dance, dance, with your hands, hands, hands above your head, like Jesus! (Electric Chapel)

Get back, bunny! (Disco Heaven)

Get close to me! (One Chance)

Get your hot rods ready to rumble! (Highway Unicorn [Road to Love])

Get your last fix and your last hit; grab your old girl with her new tricks! (Brown Eyes)

Get your things and go; you can take the dinner left over from last night. (No Way)

Give it up, just let your body! (Out of Control)

Give it up, put it out! (Out of Control)

Give me something I wanna be: retro glamour, Hollywood, yes! we live for the fame. (The Fame)

Give me something that I can wrestle to the ground. (Changing Skies)

Give me something! I wanna see television and hot blondes in odd positions. (The Fame)

Give yourself prudence, and love your friends. Subway kid, rejoice your truth! (Born this Way)

Go ahead and don't believe! (No Floods)

Go turn out the light. Don't be afraid, tonight's the night! (Something Crazy)

Go! Your your muscle carve it out, work it, hustle! Don't slow! Drive it, clean it lysol, bleed it. Spend the last dough in your pocko! (Just Dance)

Go, go, go don't be difficult about it, Get off it! (Retro Physical)

Grab those tights and lacy bottoms! Don't leave home without 'em! Let's take off our fancy pants tonight! (Fancy Pants)

Groove. Slam. Work it back. Filter that. Baby, bump that track. (Starstruck)

Have my love, baby. (Wonderful)

Hello everybody! Get a ride to the west side; kiss the girl with her tongue tied. Hello everybody! Walk it out, ‘cause you don't care; shut down like software. Hello everybody! Take a sip for the hip hop; fuel up at the rest stop. (Retro Dance Freak)

Hello midnight lover, lover! Hold that lady tighter; shoot that bullet through her! (Retro Physical)

Hey, hey, hey, look at that girl! (Super Lover)

Hold her hand through the black light. (Rock Show)

Hold her; tell her that you need her. Please undress her slowly—uh-oh! Never hold the girl too tightly: she can't breathe when you speak—uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh! (Rock Show)

Hold me and love me. (LoveGame)

Hold me, daddy, real tight. (Sexy Ugly)

Hold me down and take control (mess up my hair, all crazy sexual). Do it like an animal (hot in the jungle, exotic apparel). (Animal)

Hold up, hold up! Give me a way to get to know ya! Hold up, hold up, if you’re tryinna’ take my clothes off! (Super Lover)

Hold up, bitch: I could stomp your face in. (Let Them Hoes Fight)

Hold your mamma real tight. (Sexy Ugly)

Honey, just take your time, close her eyes. (Rock Show)

I say: change your pants, and meet me in the bathroom for a private tour and dance. (Kandy Life)

If you can't afford the best, don't be stressed: take a rest! Get a job, do it right: it's my birthday all night. (Ribbons)

Judas, kiss me if offenced, or wear an ear condom next time. (Judas)

Just dance! (Just Dance)

Just give in; don't give up baby: open up your heart and your mind to me. Just know, when that glass is empty, that the world is gonna bend. (So Happy I Could Die)

Just put your paws up. (Born This Way)

Just sing a little song. (Let Love Down)

Just smoke my cigarette, and hush. (Alejandro)

Just take my hand; let me take you away. (One Chance)

Keep it cool! (Just Dance)

Keep it cool at the freakshow! (Rock Show)

Knock it; pump it; wash it; bump it. (Glitter and Grease)

Know that I am not emotional! (Changing Skies)

Let it climb; let it ignite. (Government Hooker)

Let me see your body work, work. (Kaboom)

Let me watch you break it down. (Just Dance)

Let them hoes fight! Stop stressin' on me for the attention. (Let Them Hoes Fight)

Light me up with me on top. (Christmas Tree)

Look at him, look at me. (Monster)

Look at me! (Watcha lookin' at?) Look at me! (Watcha starin' at?) (Vanity)

Man, man, look at this: these hoes fightin' in the streets! (Let Them Hoes Fight)

Never stop again and again. (Again Again)

Now drop it to the floor, baby: get raw! (Big Girl Now)

Now show me your fangs (my religion is you). (Teeth)

Open your mouth, boy! (Teeth)

Play it for me, baby, give it to me! (Filthy Pop)

Please check the number, or try your call again. (Telephone)

Please know: there's nothing I'm concealing. (Bloody Mary)

Pull the shades down low. We're both ready, so lose control. (Something Crazy)

Push it in Brooklyn. (Glitter and Grease)

Put on your shades, 'cause I'll be dancing in the flames tonight. (Edge of Glory)

Put your hands on me, John F. Kennedy! (Government Hooker)

Put your hands on my waist; pull the fader; run it back with original flavor. Get the breakdown first. (Starstruck)

Rejoice and love yourself today! (Born this Way)

Rock like us, silly and gorgeous. (Sexy Ugly)

Rub that glitter and grease around; rub that glitter and grease around; rub that glitter and grease around; grease around. (Glitter and Grease)

Run, run! (Dance in the Dark)

See that girl; watch her go. (Fancy Pants)

See the lonely girl out on the weekend. (Fooled Me Again, Honest Eyes)

Shake your kitty (meow); put your arms around me, babe: I'm giving you permission to feel me. (Shake Your Kitty)

Show me that you've got the ammunition, that you're good for a while, for a while, for a while. (Reloaded)

So, baby, turn the record on; play that song! (Brown Eyes)

So, DJ, play: let the record spin again! (Wunderland)

"So hold your head up, girl, and you'll go far! Listen to me when I say!" (Born This Way)

So go ahead and label me whatever you like, but nothing’s quite as sexy as a woman is fine. (Vanity)

So let the sound bring me back. (Words)

So now go back to the beat; get up on your feet. (Super Lover)

So please show me that smile; make me laugh, for just a little while; and breathe in your one breath. (Captivated)

So, silly boy, get out my face (my face)! Why do you like the way regrets taste? So, silly boy, get out my hair (my hair)! (Silly Boy)

So take your time; don't be afraid! (One Chance)

Space Cowboy, just play that track. (Starstruck)

Spin it 'til it's platinum! (Filthy Pop)

Spin that record, babe! (Just Dance)

Spin that shit; spin it 'cause it's fabulous! (Filthy Pop)

Start believin' in this crazy love we're leadin'! (Captivated)

Hold me closely; make me sweeter. (Captivated)

Stop calling, stop calling! (Dirty Ice Cream)

Stop calling, stop calling! (Telephone)

Stop comin' at me; guns are a-blazin'! (Let Them Hoes Fight)

Stop telephonin' me! (Telephone)

Stop, please! Just let me go, Alejandro! (Alejandro)

Take a bite of my bad girl meat; take a bite of me; show me your teeth; let me see you're mean! (Teeth)

Take a minute for us and relax, relax! (Disco Heaven)

Take a ride on an airplane; take a bath in champagne! What's up everybody? Watch the girls all curtsey for the paparazzi! (Retro Dance Freak)

Take me for a ride. (Summerboy)

Take off your fancy clothes! Yeah, baby: don't be shy! (Fancy Pants)

Take your bank before I pay you out. (Poker Face)

Talk to me, baby. (Wunderland)

Tell 'em how you feel, girls. (Dance in the Dark)

Tell me something that'll save me: I need a man who makes me alright. Just tell me when it's alright; tell me something that'll change me. (Teeth)

Tell me you'll be mine. (Fever)

Throw your head back, girly; throw it like those girls in the movies. We got a show to put on your dress; take a minute for us and relax, relax. (Disco Heaven)

Touch me! T-touch me, baby, but don't mess up my hair! Love me! L-love me crazy, but don't get too attached: this is a brief affair! (Vanity)

Walk, walk, fashion, baby! Work it, move that bitch crazy. (Bad Romance)

Watch me, watch me swing my weave! (Let Them Hoes Fight)

Watch your heart when we're together! (Boys Boys Boys)

When you see a girl this pretty, shake her! Shake her, shake her kitty, when you see a girl that's pretty. Shake your, shake your, shake that kitty! (Shake Your Kitty)

Whenever you're afraid, or someone's far away, never give in! (Words)

Work your blonde (Jean) Benet Ramsey! (Dance in the Dark)

Work your body ‘til you make your body hurt, hurt! (Kaboom)

Wrap them presents up (in ribbons). (Ribbons)

Yeah, babe! Come on, move it, move it. (What?) If you want me, you better prove it, prove it. (Let's go!) (Shut Up)

Yeah, bring those fancy pants! (Disco Heaven)

Yeah, work that shit! Work it like a Hilton! (Filthy Pop)

(If you click on the pictures it'll take you back to the source.  I found lots of them here.  For the text, i naturally turned to, because i didn't just want the words, i wanted the meanings.)

1 comment:

  1. i have not read all these but there seem to be an awful lot of don'ts. Like most religions.