Monday, 1 August 2011

crap riddles

That anybody, anywhere, could possibly have considered this to be anything remotely resembling a riddle in any conceivable sense of that word absolutely amazes me.  Here it is again.

A woman walked into an office building, looked at the guard, and said her name was Jenny. The next day she walked into the same building, looked at the same guard and said her name was Julie. What is going on?

CLUE: use psychology

ANSWER: The woman has Multiple Personality Disorder. This happens when a traumatic experience causes so much pain that they make another personality to cope with the situation.

If that's a riddle, so are these.  This is a decent enough conceit for a blog post right?

A woman walks into a shop and asks how much a particular item costs.  The shop assistant informs her that it costs £7.50.  The woman thanks the shop assistant and informs him that she will probably buy the item.  However, in fact she has no intention of buying the item and simply returns it to the shelf and leaves.  What is going on?

CLUE: use philosophy

ANSWER: The item is a Cigarette Lighter.  As £7.50 is ludicrously expensive for such an item, the woman decides not to buy it.  But because the shop assistant was very kind, she decides to tell a White Lie, that is, a lie which is told to spare other people's feelings, in order to spare his feelings.  She is of the philosophical stance that lying in this case is morally acceptable.

A man falls over in the street and lands on his face.  He then gets up and carries on walking as if nothing has happened.  His clothes are in as good condition as before and he is not injured in any way.  What is going on?

CLUE: use physiology

ANSWER: The street in question is made of Rubber and has recently been Cleaned, and so the man, being in excellent physical health generally, is not harmed in any way as a result of his fall.

A woman in perfectly good health goes to a football match.  Two weeks later she dies.  What is going on?

CLUE: use pathology

ANSWER: While at the football match she contracted a Deadly Virus of which she later died.

A man goes into an office in Germany and cannot communicate with anybody there.  Several years later, he returns to the same place and has a brief conversation with the branch manager about international football.  What is going on?

CLUE: use pedagogy

ANSWER: The man has been taking evening classes in German and is hence able to converse in German at a basic level.

A woman tells her husband that she and his wife have had an argument.  She is not schizophrenic.  What is going on?

CLUE: use polygamy

ANSWER: The man is a polygamist and has several wives.

A man goes into an office.  He is a bipedal carnivore with a massive skull balanced by a long, heavy tail.  Relative to his large and powerful hindlimbs, his forelimbs are small, though unusually powerful for their size, and bear two clawed digits.  What is going on?

CLUE: use palaeontology

ANSWER: The man is in fact not a man, but a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Two brothers go into a bank.  One brother robs it; the other does not.  What is going on?

CLUE: use phrenology

ANSWER: The brother who robs the bank has an overdeveloped Anterior Inferior Angle of the Parietal Bone, and hence is more prone to acts of theft according to George Combe's system of phrenology.  The other brother has no such physical defect.


1 comment:

  1. Actually I'm pretty sure I saw this in a Michael Macintyre routine.